Friday, October 22, 2010

With every heartbeat

It was snowing this morning. I like the winter. I have many good memories from childhood in wintertime when we were sliding downhill on plasticbags and made snowmen and had hot chocolate with a lot of whipped cream. I also have some bad aswell when my mother was ill and i found her in the garage after a overdose of sleepingpills. Sad! I'm not going to end up like my mother. I want to leve a happy and peaceful life with a lot of nice adventures.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

To much caffein in my bloodstream

I'm going to "work" or I mean it's not a real job because I don't get paid. (I get some sort of financial support from the community. It is my first day and I am kind of nervous cause I have not met the other people who works there or the the elderly people that we are taking care of cause it is a home for retired people who can not take care of themselves. I was told not to lift heavy or assist the elderly to go to the bathroom and that sort of stuff. I am just going to make cookies and cinnamon rolls and hang out with them and entertain them so I guess it's kind of cool.

I woke up at four in the morning. The sleeping pills aint working! Now I am drinking a hell a lot of coffee to be able to cope with the day.

Wuthering heights

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Hardships

Had strange dreams last night. I don't really remember what they were all about but I remember that they were strange. I had a peculiar feeling when I woke up. One dream was about that I was held as a hostage somwhere and threathened with a gun. I wonder what that could possibly mean?

I feel like a expired milkpack or someting. God I am old. Turning 31 in May next year and what have I accomplished really? Nothing! I am fat, poor, single and childless. Sounds wonderful! Yeah right.

Today I am going to the obesity clinic and weigh my self i think I have gained one or two punds instead of losing. I hope they won't kick me out of the program.

Early this morning I took driving lessons. I am getting better but I can't park a car. I must get the damn driver's licence before I move to LA.

How many licks?

Smoking a lot of cigarettes. This is not good for me! I wish I could stop but I guess you need to have at least one vice and mine happens to be smoking. I'm also very fat. I gained a lot of weight when I started taking my medication for bipolar disorder. I'm trying to lose all this bloat but it is very difficult cause I am addicted to food. Today I had two small hotdogs for lunch. How healthy is that! But it was the only stuff that was in my fridge and I'm terribly broke at the moment. So I guess it is better to eat anything at all then go with an empty stomach for too long and eventually be very hungry and bulk on a tremendous amount of food.

My life is very uninteresting and boring. I don't know what to do to make it more exciting! You tell me! I wish I had a boyfriend to wrap my arms around. But my self esteem is so low at teh moment that I avoid social happenings so I hardly ever meet anyone at all. I really hope for a change!

Bea in Los Angeles 2011

If everything proceeds well according to my plans I will move to Los Angeles in August 2011! I'm so excited about it and I can't hardly wait. I am expecting to meet a lot of crazy people and to have a lots of fun. I won't spend my tutition fee for school on drugs and alcohol I will be responsible but still not boring. I have inherited a small piece of land and wood from my mother. Hopefully I'm able to sell it before I go so I will be able to buy a car and live in an acceptable apartment. Hopefully I will meet someone special in LA, or at least have a fling with somebody.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I'am quite in a good mood today and it's getting better.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Tired of being angry all the time.

Ok. Have patience. English is not my first language.
Why is life always such a struggle? Last night i was heading for a a nice place to have a glas of beer. Outside it was bloody cold as it has been for the latest couple of months. Impossible to find an honest taxidriver! Well the second one did'nt try to fool me.
The night ended with fun and lauhghter so what am I complaining about?